The vast majority of those who live on campus must do so with at least one roommate and life with someone else is often difficult, particularly if you have been used to living in your own room for most of your life.  The experience can also be quite rewarding, in that you usually become friends with your roommate, learn the most about them, and can usually find a ready accomplice in whatever activity or task that you are planning.  Still, no matter how good or how bad the relationship is, there are some golden rules that should be observed:

I:  Thou Shalt Not Cause a Security Breach

In any community, there is bound to be some theft, and Stony Brook is no exception. Most of this is so-called “crimes of opportunity,” in which the thief is not some dedicated burglar professionally scouting and targeting people, but rather those who take advantage of unlocked doors, valuables out in the open, etcetera, and then proceed to take whatever they can get, usually in the form of small valuables, such as wallets or iPods. 

This is easy to prevent and does not require you to be paranoid but simply to keep your eyes open. It is best not to leave valuables unattended and to lock your door whenever you leave the room, even if it is for something quick like a trip to the bathroom. Those few extra seconds will not unduly delay you and will keep both your property and that of your roommate safe. It is also important to discuss and agree on this point with your roommate, for no matter how many precautions you take you are only as safe as the least security conscious roommate. Finally, for those living in suites, it is generally a bad idea to leave anything of real value in the common areas, particularly if it is easily portable (I had a friend who left his DVD collection worth thousands of dollars in the common area, as a courtesy to suitemates who might want to watch something, and he was rewarded with having the whole binder stolen.) Again, you and your suitemates should insist on keeping the main door locked, at least when no one is in the common area, and by taking a few seconds to prevent crime you keep your valuables secure.

**Keeping valuables secure**

II.   Thou Shalt Not Encroach Upon Thy Roommate’s Space

While it is permissible to put some of your belongings in the roommate’s side of the room in the first day or so when everyone is unpacking and space is scarce, the situation must quickly stabilize and you must remove any belongings to your side. Most roommates just have an imaginary line running down the middle of the room, but based on your room’s dimensions and negotiations with your roommates, you can adjust the borders to something you both agree on. The main idea is to talk with your roommate and agree on something that works, preferably early on, so that there is no confusion about expectations later.

**If all else fails, build a wall**

III.    Thou Shalt Maintain Proper Sanitation and Hygiene

There is nothing wrong with having a messy roommate, so long as their mess is confined to their side of the room and has no room-wide effects. While it is none of your business to comment on your roommate’s organizational system, you should intervene and demand your roommate take care of dirty dishes, food wrappers, and pretty much anything that will cause a bad odor or potential insect infestation. Both you and your roommate should also work out how the trash will be taken care of. Some prefer to have their own trash receptacles, which makes matters simple, but if you choose to use a common one, make sure to throw out the trash whenever it fills up… just common sense and healthy living.

Room for one more bottle…

IV.   Thou Shalt Not Violate The Peace

The most important function for your room is to serve as a place of peaceful study and for restful sleep. If both you and your roommate are in the mood for some loud music, late night movie, having a few friends over, or what have you, then by all means do so, but only if both roommates agree. Do not be shy to say that you need to sleep at a reasonable hour or that you need some quiet to study. Normally, the best way to resolve these problems is by resorting to compromise. For instance, you may want to study at the library if your roommate has a party planned, in exchange for your roommate giving you the same courtesy when you have a gathering. As for sleep though, there is no substitute for darkness and quiet. Some are adept at sleeping in bright lights and with blaring music, but if your roommate needs darkness and quiet, you should always give it to them, and do not be afraid to speak up yourself if your roommate has his girlfriend over, late at night, chatting away in “whispers” and watching a movie that is keeping you from bed. Sleep is essential and you should never compromise on this point.

Nothing is more precious than sleep with Mr. Teddy

V.  Thou Shalt Not Violate The Possessions of Thy Roommate
      Nor Use Them Without Prior Consent

This can be a very annoying problem and involves your roommate eating your food, drinking your beverages, and/or using your stuff without your knowledge or permission. While it is common courtesy to work with your roommate to make your lives comfortable, do not feel that you should tolerate abuse of this kind.  Make it clear from the beginning what your expectations are regarding your possessions and stick by your guns to avoid difficulties. If you are feeling generous, say you came upon some free food that you are willing to share or that you do not mind your roommate using your TV while you are away, make this known as well, but never feel any obligations… your stuff, your rules.

If all else fails, use an old chemist’s trick
and label all your food with these labels.
 Your roommate will think twice before
drinking your hazardous orange juice.

VI.  Thou Shalt Maintain Good Communication and Reasonable Relations

This essentially sums it all up.  No two people will ever live in an enclosed space without some friction, but if the two roommates communicate readily and are not afraid to raise their rightful concerns, then both will be at ease and will live very comfortably.  Be reasonable and accommodating whenever you can, expecting the same courtesy for yourself should you ever need it, but do not compromise your safety, health, or well-being in the name of harmony.  Most problems can be solved with a little talking and a little listening, but if you get stuck with the psycho, you can always escalate your concerns to your RA, RHD, or Campus Residences, who can intervene in various ways – everything from forcing both of you to create a “contract” of behavior to finding you new roommates, though you should make an effort and if you do all will work out.  Good luck!

If you follow all these rules,
you and your roommate can live happily together.